I know that I don’t write much here, but today I’m feeling that I need to.
I need to take out some stuff inside me, not to anyone in special read it - that’s the best part of having a tumblr that my friends don’t know about.
I don’t have many, and right now here where I live I don’t think I have even one person to call a friend. Of course I have people who I talk to, who I go out sometimes, but a friend, in the strongest meaning of the word, right now I don’t have.
I have few from my old place, who I talk to online and see when we can, but it’s not the same of having someone that you can meet when you want to.
And honestly, isn’t anyone fault. People don’t “need” to like me, to invite me to talk, to call me and ask how I’m.
I know that I’m nice guy, but I’m also a “strange” guy, a different person.
I care about the environment.
I can get really angry thinking about how our “society” evolved, doing the most horrible things to this planet, to the human being itself. I don’t understand how we can be so brilliant and so horrible at the same time, putting money above everything.
I don’t have much tolerance to how most of the people behave, on how most men talk about girls, acting like dogs…
But I also enjoy simple things. Getting out to have a beer, to talk shit and laugh, to see a beautiful woman pass by and look her, to watch a sunset or a sunrise.. this type of thing…
… but I feel alone in this world most of the time, and specially now.
My mom, who was a extraordinary woman, died when I was eleven. I don’t speak much with my dad… I’ve tried everything for 18 years to keep some contact with him, but he doesn’t show much effort, so I just don’t try anymore. I have 3 sisters that I love much, and they love me back, but we can’t see each other much than once a year or maybe once a couple of years, as we live far from each other.
I just got single again, last November. It was my best relationship, and the decision to end it was the most painful thing I ever did.
She is a great woman, and she loved so much, and I also loved her so much. She have the best laugh, the best sense of humor, and so many things that I love… but we failed at each other.
She failed to understand which are the most important values to me that a woman need’s to have. Failed to see that instead on putting so much effort on prove her love to me on things that aren’t very important, she should have put the effort on changing / improving the things that was really holding me back.
And I failed on see what SHE need’s in a man, what I should have changed on me, to show her that I cared about her, that I want her in my life.
And maybe, when we finally realized that, it was too late. Neither of us had the motivation to change ourselves anymore… and ending it was the only thing to do, because just love can’t hold a relationship by itself, there is so many things that need to work to hold it.
Its hard to realize all this. It’s hard to write them… maybe this is the reason that I’m doing it in English and not in my native language.
I’ve passed so many things in this life already that.. I feel that I need a break.
Maybe I need to change everything. Move out of here, maybe even to another country, meet new people, a new culture, a new love? I really don’t know…
But at the end, I know that things will get better.
I don’t know how and why, but I have this huge faith on life even after all this.